Wednesday, February 18, 2009

High School Nicknames Throughout History

The classic, one more time:

Jesus
“J.C.,” “Jeez”

Sampson
“Sam-bone”

William the Conqueror
“Conks,” “Conky”

Nero
“Neroid”

Henry VIII
“8-ball,” “8-dog,” “Hank”

Claude Monet
“C-Money”

Pope Pius III
“Pie-eye,” “Threepeat”

Oedipus
"Fast Oeddy," "Octopussy"

Marco Polo
"Marky Mark," "Water"

Confucius
"Connie," "Luscious," "Con-fuc-u-ous"

Ferdinand Magellan
"F-Mag," “Ja-Mellon”

Fyodor Dostoevsky
“Dusty,” “Skeezer”

Franz Kafka
“Vitamin K”

Nikola Tesla
“Testes”

Emperor Hirohito
“Hitman”

Mohandas Gandhi
“Mogus”

Queen Elizabeth I
"La Liz," "Her Heinie"

Charlemagne
"Chip," "Charlie McCarthy"

Euclid
"Ukee," 'Urkel"

Karl Marx
"The Mailman"

Louis Pasteur
“Germbo,” “Milkman,” “Big Lou”

Julius Caesar
"Jujubee," "Salad,"

Johannes Gutenberg
"Typo," "Jojo," "Steve"

Martin Luther
"The King," "El Protesto"

Chiang Kai-Sheck
“Kaiser,” “Shecky”

Alexander the Great
"A-Rod”

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Movie Taglines for Historic Documents

The Declaration of Independence
Coming to Save the World This Summer

Constitution of the United States
We the People are Not Alone

First Amendment
There’s Free Speech. There’s Free Assembly. But There's No Such Thing as Free Cable.

Second Amendment
He’s back in town…with a few days to kill

Fifth Amendment
Sometimes saying nothing says it all

Sixth Amendment
Their trial was speedy, their romance forever

Eight Amendment
He was cruel. He was unusual. And then things got really weird.

The Federalist Papers
An adventure 65 million years in the making.

Plessy v. Fergson
Two divided by love

The Monroe Doctrine
Ain’t no stoppin’ us now!

Gettysburg Address
Freedom never felt this good.

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Saturday, November 22, 2008

JFK: A View from Late December Back in '63

It's hard for me to imagine the complete state of shock that gripped the nation -- really the whole world -- when President Kennedy was assassinated 45 years ago today, on November 22, 1963, and then assassin Lee Harvey Oswald was slain two days later on national television. I was an infant at the time. Books have been written about the politics and the conspiracies, but what about the national mood during those weeks of sorrow and uncertainty after the tragedy? What was the average person feeling? My only real point of reference for understanding the aftermath is a song I once heard on the radio, a song that seems to get at some of the emotions Americans were dealing with, late December back in '63. The song takes me back to those days: Americans feeling as if they'd been hit by a rolling bolt of thunder, spinning their heads around, taking their bodies under. People didn't even know the feeling's name, they just knew they were never going to be the same. I wonder a lot of things about that terrible time. I wonder whether Oswald knew it was coming, if he got a funny feeling when he walked into the room? It all happened so fast -- did viewers recall it ended much too soon? And there was a special lady. Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me. She was everything I dreamed she'd be. What a lady. What a night. Looking back, it seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right. And historians can merely ask: why'd it take so long to see the light?

cross posted at 23/6.com and The Old Yorker.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Picasso Cypher

To call The Picasso Cypher another ordinary historical baseball murder thriller would be far more than a lie. This latest novel from the author of The Abraham Lincoln-Confucius Jinx and Five People You’ll Never Meet is such a fiendish feast of twisting, interwoven yarns, it is essentially like a wool blanket that is both fiendish and delicious.

In the opening pages we are confronted with a scene that seems both familiar and disjointed. It is 1939, and the Yankee baseball great Lou Gehrig is giving his impassioned “I Have a Dream” speech. Gerhig, whose unbroken streak of games played earned him the nickname "Iron Mike," is being forced to retire from baseball by the disease that would some day, if all went well, bear his name.

Suddenly shots ring out. Gehrig slumps lifeless on the gravel surrounding the pitcher's mound. Pandemonium erupts. What did Gehrig know about the genetic code that later in the book will become a big deal? Who is trying to silence him?

Abruptly we flash to a laboratory where the young inventor Walt Disney is performing his famous "animation" experiments on dead animals. As he hears the chaos on his radio and reaches to turn up the volume, his hand topples a beaker of a luminous green fluid, which oozes across his desk to engulf a spider that had bitten him earlier. The spider becomes radioactive, and the bite becomes retroactive.

In a hyper-alert state, Disney grabs the Baseball Encyclopedia and begins running Gehrig’s career RBI totals through his oscilloscope. The waveform they produce on the glowing screen, when reflected in a “da Vinci device” (a mirror) spells out a genomic code. Emboldened by the finding, Disney recruits sidekick Thomas Aniston (a character resembling the real-life inventor Thomas Edison) to begin a trek to Africa, where they will hunt for the virus that may later destroy humanity. Aniston has just returned from his fateful experiment in which, flying a kite in a thunderstorm, he harnessed nature’s raging power of electricity. He set up elaborate networks to distribute electric power to businesses and homes across America, but soon turned his attention to what would become a ruinous, life-long obsession: vowing to do everything in his power to put makers of batteries out of business and to physically crush battery-operated toy rabbits.

Disney and Aniston soon plunge into the African jungle, where, using a crude satellite-based tracking device, and by listening to hooting noises, they stumble upon a village inhabited by savages. Surrounded by human skulls and bones is a man who appears to be of European descent, and there Disney utters his famous words, “Dr. Atkins, I presume.” Atkins, a former Tufts University cryptologist and author of Leadership Secrets of the Child Actors, tells them of the clandestine international religious society that is plotting to steal the gene responsible for hypertension. The sect is led by an insane bishop who can only move diagonally.

The page-turner continues like this for page after page, especially in the large-print edition, as the three men of science unite to unlock the shrouded mysteries, also recruiting a symboligist (someone who studies symbols), a chromachronologist (someone who colors clocks), and a young mute boy named Charlie, who would later star in silent comedy films.

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