The Microsoft License-Agreement Code!
Shocking Computer Analysis Reveals Stunning Predictions Hidden Within Cryptic Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
Thanks to the power of computing, we now know a lot of things – for instance, it was recently determined that humanity’s future is preordained. According to the bestselling book The Bible Code, a supercomputer has converted the 304,805 Hebrew letters of the Old Testament into a humongous "Word Search" puzzle and found all kinds of hidden messages in there. In one example, the computer-analysis found letters spelling "Yitzhak Rabin" (the assasinated Israeli Prime Minister) intersecting with letters spelling "assasin will assisinate."
So, it turns out that even though the stories in the Bible may have have instructive or inspirational to billions of people for thousands of years, they are actually just contrived strings of words whose real purpose is to pass along to future generations much more important forecasts about, say, the writing of "Macbeth." This is the biggest news since it was discovered that playing the extended dance-mix of Milli Vanilli’s "Girl You Know it’s True" backwards gave away the ending to "The Crying Game" (which had not yet even been written!). And it’s all a result of powerful silicon and brilliant programming.
Of course, some critics argue that computers, since they are now so smart, could find amazing hidden messages in any document, if the computers were programmed to look in enough different ways. Indeed, the Bible researchers intentionally reorganized their grid of Bible letters specifically to make words such as "Rabin" appear, then they looked around for other interesting words nearby. If they found nothing juicy, they’d reorganize the rows and columns of letters again to make "Rabin" show up somewhere else. Still, Bible Code author Michael Drosnin challenges naysayers: "When my critics find a message about the assasination of a prime minister encrypted in Moby Dick, I’ll believe them."
Apparently he didn’t count on the Digital Fun House investigative squad getting on the case! We don’t have a supercomputer. We have a Pentium 90, which at one time, for several days, was the second fastest microcomputer on the planet. We don’t have the original Hebrew text of the Torah in digital form. We don’t even have Moby Dick. But we do have a copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Hidden Messages in Really Long Texts. And we have the only text we could find to analyze for hidden messages: the software-license agreement for Microsoft Access Developer's Toolkit version 2.0. (*anchor http://www.microsoft.com/kb/articles/q128/3/83.htm) Moby Dick, moby-schmick! Let the secret-code-unlocking begin!
First, we loaded the scripture to be computer-analyzed, the software-license agreement for Microsoft Access Developer's Toolkit version 2.0., into Word 97, and we used its sophisticated processing capabilities to: remove all spaces and hyphens, convert the text to All Caps, and change to the non-proportionally spaced Courier typeface. The result looked something like this.
Then our analysis began.
We were shocked to see, almost immediately, the word RABIN staring us in the face, running straight down the page. Chillingly, almost as if a indicating massive cover-up, it was intersected by the phrases: "U.S. Government restricted," "information," ‘inability to use," "even if Microsoft has been advised of the possibility" and "damages for loss."
What was going on here?! Could someone in the legal department for Microsoft Access Developer’s Toolkit version 2.0 be trying to tell us something about the assassination, something that could have been done, something the authorities would rather not have us know? We moved on.
Further computer analysis and advanced text searching pointed us to another hot term. Recently we’d been angered by the Pay-Per-View TV performance of former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson in his fight against Evander Holyfield. Tyson shockingly bit Holyfield’s ear and was disqualified in the 4th round. Thousands of fans demanded refunds of the ridiculous sums of money they’d paid to watch the event.
Imagine our awe when we saw, hidden within the software-license agreement for Microsoft Access Developer's Toolkit version 2.0, the word TYSON running plainly down the page, intersecting with…REFUND!
And that’s not all. Right next to Tyson, there it was: the word EAR! Understand -- this license agreement was last updated in May -- A FULL MONTH BEFORE the Tyson ear-biting incident!
At this point we were, to say the least, stunned. But we felt a bit more searching was necessary to demonstrate either the power of computers or the amazing hidden messages within the software-license agreement for Microsoft Access Developer's Toolkit version 2.0.
Even bigger shockers followed. Could THIS be a mere coincidence – an entire sentence buried secretly within the legalese of the end-user license agreement, a message spelling out the words "OJ DID IT"?!
We didn’t know if we were ready for the nuthouse or the Nobel Prize!
Shakily, we cranked up the computer for one more alpha-crunch! This one took almost an hour to spit out – but it surpirsed us as much as any hidden message we’d seen, considering it was found in one of Microsoft’s own documents. The word INTERNET was there vertically, crossed horizontally by the words MICROSOFT, FAILURE, ACCIDENT and ABUSE.
What does it all mean? Is there a hidden pattern of messages and predictions encrypted within the software-license agreement for Microsoft Access Developer's Toolkit version 2.0?
Based on our research, we can come to only one conclusion: whenever powerful computers, large documents, and people with a whole lot of free time are involved, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.